


World's Worst Birthday Party

by radiogagaboy



Series: God Said Gay Rights and Gave the Ineffable Husbands a Baby [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Anthony Janthony Crowley is an emotional mess, Awkward Family Interaction, Aziraphale and Gabriel are Siblings (Good Omens), Baby Fic, Baby's first birthday party!, Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Crowley and Lucifer are siblings (Good Omens), Domestic Fluff, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff, Gen, Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), Ineffable Dads (Good Omens), Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Parents (Good Omens), Ineffable Partners (Good Omens), Ineffable child, Light Angst, Like extremely light because i want this to be very fluffy, M/M, No beta we fall like Crowley, Nonbinary Character, Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens), Very fluffy, and by family i mean god and satan, the baby uses they/them pronouns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:42:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21666718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiogagaboy/pseuds/radiogagaboy
Summary: Crowley and Aziraphale had been planning Ezekiel’s birthday party for nearly two months, wanting to make their party was nothing less than perfect. The surprising appearance of God and the Archangels don't help with the stress. Nor does Lucifer deciding to pop in for a visit.And all of them are claiming to technically be apart of the family, so they are definitely going to be at the party.
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens) & OC, Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens) & Original Character(s), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: God Said Gay Rights and Gave the Ineffable Husbands a Baby [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1422130
Comments: 26
Kudos: 125





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, it's been a hot minute or two. I have the outline of this story all planned out and I ready to get chapter two and maybe three done soon, but I tragically have to put my studies first. This will be apart of the series, but it isn't all that necessary to have read the first story. I am also working on a kid!AU for our Ineffable Husbands, so maybe check that out if you want! No warnings because it is a fun and happy story! Thanks for reading, Ciao!

Aziraphale never went to church. They were made as a way to be close to the Lord and help purify one’s soul. There was no need for him to go because he was an ethereal being, he was about as holy as they got and She never really did return his calls. He also never liked how the churches twisted the words of God, assumed that She was male, and made up different ‘facts’ about the Bible that were completely inaccurate. The main reason was that Crowley couldn’t go there with him, and the thought of not being with the demon left a bitter taste in his mouth. 

He had to go today though, seeing as he was going to learn how to make a cake for Ezekiel’s birthday. It’s not that he and Crowley didn’t trust anyone else to make a cake for their child, the couple just felt as though the cake had to be perfect. The only way to achieve that was for the two to be the ones making it. After all, if they made it there would be no mistakes. Aziraphale would be the one to bake it and Crowley was going to decorate it. 

When the two had discovered that the one church the angel had tolerated was hosting baking classes, they saw it as a perfect opportunity. Aziraphale would be the one to go because he was the only one that was able to withstand consecrated grounds. Going to the church wouldn’t have been that long of a drive if the family still lived in Soho but they had moved into a cottage in South Downs shortly after they got Ezekiel, so it would take more time to get to where Aziraphale needed to be. 

This is why the angel was currently trying to figure out a way to wake Crowley up at eight in the morning without facing the consequences. Sure, he was Crowley’s husband and it was hard for the demon to become legitimately mad at the angel, but all of that is thrown out the window when it comes to his sleep. There were three important rules in the cottage.

Rule one: For the love of all things holy and evil, do not wake Ezekiel up from their afternoon nap. 

Rule two: If you value your life, don’t touch Aziraphale’s books without permission. 

Rule three: If you value your life, don’t wake up a sleeping Crowley. 

Rule two and three didn’t apply to Ezekiel because they could set a person on fire and their fathers wouldn’t have the heart to get mad, probably saying that the person deserved it. Aziraphale took that fact and used it to his advantage. 

Ezekiel, unlike Crowley, can be awake at all hours without complaining. As long as they got their afternoon nap, they would be awake for the rest of the day. While Crowley and Aziraphale slept in the morning Ezekiel would grab the tablet (a gift from Anathema and Newt, the pair saying it’ll help them in the long run) that was on the drawer right next to the bed they shared with their fathers and watch Netflix or Hulu until Crowley woke up. If they weren’t watching TV in the morning, they were ‘reading’ one of the various children’s books that were in the house and downloaded on the tablet while listening to music. The baby paid no mind to Aziraphale getting up earlier than usual and leaving the room to go get ready for the day. 

When Aziraphale walked back into the bedroom he found Ezekiel laying on their stomach on top of the bed staring at the digital copy of a Curious George book while listening to the piano covers of various Disney songs. They were still paying no mind to their ethereal father, choosing to focus on the book and continue chewing the chubby fist in their mouth. 

“Good morning, my little Mercury,” said Aziraphale as he made his way over to the child. The angel sat down on the bed next to Ezekiel, who had sensed something was up when the angel started to play with their curls. 

Aziraphale’s thoughts began to drift as he gently smoothed out the fiery mop of hair. Ezekiel’s hair had grown to shoulder length over the year and then abruptly stopped, the style vaguely reminding Aziraphale of Crowley’s hair back in the sixties. He wondered if Ezekiel had stopped the growth on purpose, finding content in their hair falling past their eyes. While the angel would personally never want hair to fall in his face, preferring to keep it short because curls with long hair tended to be a hassle, he couldn’t help but think how adorable Ezekiel looked. 

The angel was pulled from his thoughts when Ezekiel lightly poked him on his thigh, their seafoam green eyes staring intently at him. Aziraphale quickly regathered his thoughts and popped the question he had been meaning to ask before he had gotten lost in his thoughts. “My dear, do you think you could do your father a favor?”

Ezekiel gave the lightest frown before shifting themselves up into a sitting position to comfortably face their father. The lack of grunt from the child was Aziraphale’s cue to continue talking, so he did. 

“You see, your father has to do something very important today and needs a ride to where he needs to go,” explained Aziraphale. Ezekiel, who already knew where this was going, clicked the bookmark button on the screen and turned the tablet off. Once they shut the tablet’s case (which was dinosaur themed) they let themselves fall forward and landed on Aziraphale. The angel took the cue and brought his arms around Ezekiel and held onto them while combing a hand through their hair. Once the child was satisfied with the number of cuddles they got they moved out of the angel’s hold.

The bed the family had was very big, but considering that two occult beings with wings and a smaller occult being that may or may not have wings slept in it, it was just the right size. Ezekiel crawled over to where their papa was and smacked the demon hard on arm. Aziraphale got up from the bed and quickly walked out of the room to hide behind the door. If he was in the room Crowley would get suspicious. 

“Bah.” 

Crowley’s eyes shot open and his hair erupted into flames. The demon let out a low, venomous hiss and began to speak in a low, gravelly voice. 

“Angel, I fucking swear, if you woke me up for a reason other than the world ending, I will make sure you never come across a first edition ever again-,” Crowley hissed out. He cut himself off though when he looked to the angel’s side of the bed and saw his baby. His hair instantly went out and the demon’s eyes went incredibly soft in the span of a heartbeat. 

“Hey there, starshine. What are you doing up so early, huh?” Crowley’s voice drastically changed, going from something very demonic to a soft voice that wouldn’t bother a fly. The demon leaned over to pick Ezekiel up and brought them to lay off his chest. 

“Oh boy, you’re getting so big already! I bet in a few years you’ll be able to pick me up,” joked Crowley as he lifted Ezekiel back up into the air and started to make airplane noises. 

The pair didn’t notice Aziraphale standing in the doorway with his phone as the angel took a photo of the tender moment, planning to add it to the baby book the couple made for Ezekiel. Once the photo was backed up in the phone’s files, the angel decided to make himself known. 

“Good morning, my love! You see, I need a ride today…”

~~~~

“Angel, have you seen Ezekiel’s bib, I can’t find it,” Crowley yelled as he checked the cupboard for the third time in the past minute. He was trying to remain calm, perfectly aware that said baby was growing irritated because of him. The demon had been on edge for the whole week, afraid something bad would happen that would ruin his baby’s third birthday. Aziraphale wasn’t doing any better, but he was having an easier time hiding his worries from Ezekiel. The husbands had been planning Ezekiel’s birthday party for nearly two months, wanting to make their party was nothing less than spectacular. 

Crowley and Ezekiel have spent the day together after dropping Aziraphale off at the church for a few hours. They had gone into a nearby town and wandered around the mall, Ezekiel looking for anything dinosaur themed while Crowley looked for anything that could add to the growing birthday gift pile. After doing that for an hour the two left the mall with a bag in hand. It was just chocolates Crowley saw in the store by the checkout counter that looked promising enough to meet the angel’s standard. They went around the town driving while listening to Queen and eventually went to pick up Aziraphale. Now the family was back at the house, Ezekiel two hours away from their afternoon nap and extremely hungry. The baby didn’t need to eat because they were ethereal, but they are the child of Aziraphale and was raised eating food. 

And now they were here: A hungry and irritated baby, a panicking demon, and a stressed-out angel. 

Ezekiel released a grunt from their highchair that was next to the dinner table, not at all happy that there was food sitting on the table but they weren’t eating. The baby was still sensitive to the emotions around them so being in a bad mood while in the general vicinity of the baby was a poor choice. While Crowley frantically searched the kitchen, sensing that he was pushing Ezekiel’s patience, Ezekiel was beginning to chew on their bib that was already strapped around their neck. Crowley made his way back to the toddler, ready to accept his fate of having to change Ezekiel after they had their lunch when the baby grabbed onto the demon’s hand and brought it to their chest, where bib was laying. 

“Bah,” they said seriously, an annoyed look plastered on their face. Crowley stared at the bib before deciding he didn’t drink nearly enough coffee that morning. It wasn’t the first time this week that he thought he misplaced something, only for it to turn up in the most obvious place. While Crowley got to work on making sure the food was perfect for Ezekiel (who was a surprisingly picky eater), the baby began to hum Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana. 

Ezekiel still didn’t speak though they did show that they were very intelligent for their age. Aziraphale would often ask them questions, such as the location of an object or to point to a specific object, and Ezekiel was able to respond without a moment of hesitation. They just didn’t respond with words, having felt any need to verbally express themselves in a way other than the occasional gurgle, grunt, or coo. It was cute seeing a baby find other ways to communicate their thoughts and emotions until you see said baby have a full-on silent conversation with the former Antichrist.

It was Adam who had told his godfathers (yes, they were his godfathers in his eyes) that Ezekiel had very complicated and advanced thoughts, they just never bothered to express them. Neither Aziraphale and Crowley understood how the two had their conversations, but they didn’t want to know the answer. The most sound that ever came from Ezekiel was when they were humming a song, which wasn’t very often. Today just so happened to be a day where the little one was humming, though it wasn’t very loud. 

Crowley placed the bowl of soup (because of course, the child of Aziraphale would refuse normal toddler appropriate food) in front of Ezekiel along with the dinosaur themed spoon and pulled up a chair next to them to watch the little one as they ate. 

It still amazes the demon that he has been able to successfully care for another being for almost a full three years. He looked over to where Ezekiel Mercury was sitting, then to the wall where several baby photos were framed, and took in their appearance. They had grown quite a bit over the years, though not that much had changed. They certainly weren’t growing up by human standards, that’s for sure. They weren’t even three yet and were the size of a four-year-old. The biggest difference was that Ezekiel’s hair color had become a darker shade of red than what it was when they were a newborn. They still had fluffy curly hair that stuck up all over the place, an army of freckles that painted their face, and their eyes seemed to shine brighter with each passing day. 

Ezekiel did have an interesting personality though, which could be blamed on the fact that they’re being raised by an angel and a demon, was babysat by a witch every other week when Crowley and Aziraphale went out on a date night and was not-really cousins with the Antichrist. Ezekiel’s interests ranged from watching the stars twinkle at night with Crowley while listening to The Velvet Underground, watching the show Chopped on The Food Network with Aziraphale and dinosaurs. No one understood why they liked dinosaurs, or how they even came across dinosaurs, but it was better to not question it. 

It was at that moment that Aziraphale walked into the kitchen holding a big binder that held all the plans for Ezekiel’s birthday party. He made his way to the baby, who happily accepted the kiss on the cheek from the angel, and opened the binder up to a page that had a variety of dinosaur designs and colors. 

“Alright my little Mercury, time to choose which pattern you want for your tablecloth!” Aziraphale exclaimed, hoping that he was able to cover up the fact that he currently had three breakdowns all at once because ‘holy shit planning a birthday party is hard’. The baby stopped eating their meal, cleaned their mouth with their bib, and looked down at the different patterns. Crowley looked over to the patterns and frowned, not being able to see the different colors that decorated the paper. He looked over to Ezekiel, who had a pensive look on their face, then back to the binder, praying to whoever would listen that the baby didn’t choose the tartan patterned dinosaur tablecloth. 

“Bah.” 

For fucks sakes, they chose the tartan. 

Ezekiel pointed to a tartan pattern that was black, blue, and a light cream color with some dinosaur that had a hard to pronounce all over it. Aziraphale smiled brightly at them and ruffled their hair before making his way over to Crowley. If Ezekiel made a hissing sound at having their hair messed with, no one said a thing. 

“Our baby has impeccable taste, Crowley,” Aziraphale said, his tone full of smugness only the angel could achieve. Crowley groaned before slamming his head on Ezekiel’s highchair tray, which prompted a large grunt and a smack on the head from the baby. “Lord, why have you forsaken me with a tartan loving husband and a tartan loving child?” 

Aziraphale leaned over and placed a kiss on Crowley’s head before placing the binder on the table and sitting down next to the demon. Crowley lifted his head from Ezekiel’s tray and let it fall on the angel’s shoulder, not bothering to try to read whatever he was writing down. The family stayed like that for the whole duration of Ezekiel’s lunch, a comfortable lack of conversation settling over the room. Once Ezekiel had finished their lunch Crowley took them to go lay down for their nap. 

While the toddler shared their father’s bed at night, they did have their room that was full of books, stuffed animals, and various dinosaur-related toys that they used to nap in. This room also had a multitude of hidden sigils made by Aziraphale and Crowley, along with a variety of protection spells made by Anathema. All were made to help hide Ezekiel’s every growing aura from Heaven and Hell because it seemed to become extremely powerful whenever they were napping. 

After four years of radio silence from their former sides, Crowley and Aziraphale have assumed they would be left alone by Heaven and Hell, besides the gifting of Ezekiel. The sigils and spells were never put to use. 

Until the moment a certain Someone decided to pop by and say hello to the happy couple. 

That moment happened to be when Crowley had walked out of Ezekiel’s room and made his way down the stairs. He had opened the door to go fetch the mail and came face to face with the person he thought he would never see again. 

The Original Creator. The One who had tossed him aside for asking a few questions. His Mother. 

God. 

So who could blame him for immediately slamming the door in Her face and pretending that the moment never happened.


	2. Important Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God and Aziraphale talk, which ends in tears. Then God and Crowley talk, which ends in tears.  
> It's a good thing they don't need water because they'd be severely dehydrated after all that crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter warnings**  
> Mild angst, though nothing that bad. I tried to balance it out though! So there's a bit of hurt, but tons of comfort to make up for it!!!

Crowley slowly walked into the family room, running on pure muscle memory as his brain was screaming in fear, pain, and confusion. He remembered Aziraphale once explaining to him that human bodies could go into ‘shock’ whenever they are faced with something that is hard for them to process. 

_That would make sense, reasoned Crowley._

__‘I mean, there’s no way that after all these years She would actually show up. After 6000 years of praying to Her, begging for answers to the endless questions that floated about in my head, why would She show up now? Especially after letting her messenger boy attempt to kill one of the only beings I loved in this world.’  
_ _

The last either of them had heard from her was when Ezekiel was given to them, but all She had done was left a note and nothing more. 

_‘What if She’s here to take them away? What if She decided I’m unfit to be a parent and partner to Her angel? What if-’_

"Is everything alright, my dear?" asked Aziraphale, unknowingly summoning Crowley back to reality. The angel was seated on the plushy loveseat they had taken with them from the bookshop, Aziraphale claiming that there was too much sentimental value within well-loved tartan cushions. While Crowley secretly agreed with his spouse, he just said that he refused to leave his favorite napping spot behind, which was the truth, just not the full truth. 

The demon's senses slowly began to trickle back in as all of his emotions shut off. He became aware of the soft carpet underneath his feet, which had taken ages to choose because the couple insisted on letting Ezekiel help choose. Crowley’s mind began to remind him of how the young being turned out to be even pickier than both of their parents combined, being dissatisfied with the texture and style of all but one of the presented carpet samples. Ezekiel ended up choosing a light gray twist style carpet that was extremely soft but still had a rough texture if rubbed against the grain.

The room's lighting and smell began to filter into Crowley’s sense after the memory of Ezekiel choosing the carpet had passed. The lighting within the house was very specific seeing as Ezekiel was sensitive to certain lighting at different moments and detested all resemblance of bright white light. Aziraphale was the one that came up with a light system that mimicked natural lighting with multiple settings, which had been set up in all the rooms with a miracle or two. It also helped the neighbor’s find Crowley’s excuse of consistently wearing sunglasses due to light sensitivity more believable, though it did hold some truth. It was currently set to the "sunny with a few clouds" mode because the angle was attempting to relax as he read in between stress baking a pie for dessert. 

"Ngk, tickety boo, angel." murmured Crowley as he sat down and laid his head in the angel’s lap. Aziraphale took the cue and put his book down to busy his hand in Crowley’s hair, gently smoothing out his beloved’s fiery locks. Crowley was staring off into space, occasionally focusing on a few different family photos they have upon the mantel above the fireplace. 

“Who was at the door, my love?” Aziraphale asked absentmindedly, picking up his book with one hand to continue where he had left off. He didn’t comment on the way Crowley stiffened up, nor the pretty blush that typically formed when Aziraphale referred to his partner as his love. 

Crowley made a nonchalant attempt at clearing his throat, shifting his body so he could bury his face into Aziraphale’s soft stomach. 

“I may be wrong,” he started, wrapping his arms around the angel in a vain attempt to keep them from shaking, “but I’m quite sure that God is at our doorstep, angel.” 

Aziraphale’s warm hand slowly stopped its movement as what Crowley said filtered into his brain. The angel made a soft hum before gently prying himself out of the demon’s serpentine grip to stand up from the loveseat. Grabbing one of the throw pillows and placing it in Crowley’s arms so he still had something to hold on to, he leaned down and pressed their foreheads together.

“I love you very much, my dear. We’ll be together no matter what happens, and nothing will ever break us apart,” he whispered gently, rubbing their noses together as he carded his plump fingers through Crowley’s hair one last time. Pressing a soft kiss onto Crowley’s lips, he straightened out his button-up shirt and made his way to the cottage’s foyer. 

On the outside, Aziraphale hoped that Crowley was lying, that he had seen someone that had resembled Her. The idea of God standing at their front steps was something that gave him nightmares, the few times he’d fall asleep long enough to shift into the REM cycle of sleep. Deep down inside though, he yearned for it to be Her, that She was actually there. To be reminded that he was indeed loved by at least one heavenly host, that he wasn’t a total failure to Her like the archangels would tell him was so. 

He was very aware that his hand was suffering from deep tremors as it reached for the very human doorknob that belonged to his very human house. With a careful twist of his wrist, Aziraphale had opened the cream-colored door that separated his small family from the rest of the world. 

Curly blonde (almost appearing white in certain lighting) hair peeked out from the door, slowly followed by visibly terrified hazel eyes that happened to be bluer than anything else. The hazel eyes landed on a woman shaped being that would be impossible to describe in words because it was almost like Her figure kept shifting. Said woman shaped being was leaning over to peer at a bush of pansies that Crowley had been working on for the past week, them being one of Ezekiel’s favorite flower at the moment. 

“That’s Ezekiel’s bush,” Aziraphale blurted out, nerves getting the better of him. She looked up, staring at him with a gentle smile on Her face, waiting for him to continue because She knew he would never pass up the opportunity to speak about his partner and child. 

Aziraphale quietly shuffled out of the door, shutting it with minimal force as to not accidentally break it. Taking tentative steps forward, he began to elaborate. 

“They just planted it the other day when out here with Crowley. The two are so proud of their garden that I sometimes find it hard to get them to come back inside for dinner, though it’s not like either of them needs to eat.” he rambled, hands going to gently stroke the flowers as he thought about Crowley and Ezekiel’s days in the garden. 

“Crowley says that he feels a bit upset Ezekiel will never be able to see where their parents had met, that being Eden, so he is planning to do something that they’ll be able to see The Garden.”

God gave a small hum in reply, slowly making Her way towards the nervous principality. Gently placing a hand on his shoulder, She turned Aziraphale around so that he was facing Her, eyes with infinite colors shifting within the iris meeting with timid hazel ones. 

“I’m sorry, Aziraphale.” She murmured before placing a kiss on his forehead, attempting to show Aziraphale the love She has for him. The angel grunts, trying his hardest to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. 

“Could you ever forgive me, my Lord? For stopping the Apocalypse, going against the Great Plan, and falling in love with a demon?” he asked, attempting to pull back before he was inevitably pushed away. God only held him tighter, running a soft hand through his hair as She tried to calm Her principality. 

“How could I ever forgive you, Aziraphale?” She asked, loosening Her grip on him to make him feel more comfortable within Her arms. The angel himself let out a gasp, quickly escaping from her arms as he backed away for fear of being destroyed. God made a mental note to phrase her sentences better before making big statements to people with anxiety. With a sigh, She grabbed onto Aziraphale, bringing him back into Her arms and continued with what she was saying. 

“How could I ever forgive you, if you’ve done absolutely nothing that needs forgiveness, My dear child?”

It was with those words that something in Aziraphale snapped and he came apart, not being able to hold his conflicting emotions back anymore. Sobs rippled through him as he buried his face into Her shoulder, desperately clutching onto Her as though She would leave him again. Taking an unnecessary breath through his nose, he was amused that She smelled like bitter cherries and chocolates. He didn’t notice it before, but She was wearing an extremely soft, grey cardigan that was perfect for laying a head on top of. 

Aziraphale briefly wondered if She had all these specific attributes as a means to cater to him because that was what God had expected to comfort him or if this was how She normally was. He chose not to overthink it, choosing to snuggle a bit further into the cardigan and soak up the love She was radiating before he lost it again. 

"My dear boy, you've done nothing but show the Earth and My creations love, which was all I asked of you the day I made you a principality." She continued, rubbing Aziraphale's back in soothing circles as he tried to regain control over his tears. 

"Do you know what a principality's job is, My dear? And where you rank among the choirs, Aziraphale?"

Taking a shuddering breath, Aziraphale tried to get his vocal cords to work so he could respond to God, but found he couldn't say anything. Instead, he just shook his head and hoped She wouldn't mind the tears that were probably soaking Her very nice cardigan. 

"You, My lovely child, are a principality, an angel that is made to serve My will, love all, and most importantly, be a guardian."

Another sob tore through Aziraphale as She described his alleged purpose. 

"But Mother, I went directly against Your plan!" exclaimed Aziraphale, who pulled back from God's shoulder to look Her in the eye. He was searching for resentment, disappointment, even hate. Instead, he saw a smirk on Her face and fondness in Her eyes as she wiped some of his tears away with Her thumb. 

"Allow Me to tell you a secret, dear," She staged whispered, "I never authorized the Great Plan. I've only had My Ineffable one, which you played your part perfectly without even having a script!" 

Aziraphale's face went blank as he tried to process the new information. God snickered at the baffled expression on the angel’s face, never understanding why Her children held the Great Plan to such high authority. She was pretty sure that it was just something Gabriel had written up with Beelzebub right after the first Great War had happened, which was then approved of by Metatron. 

Aziraphale took another unnecessary breath and began to voice what was going on in his mind. 

“But, if you only had the Ineffable Plan, then where did the Great Plan come from? All of the archangels spoke as though it was your words that were written. Gabriel hounded me about it for ages!” exclaimed Aziraphale, thoughts whirring around his head faster than the Bently in central London. God rolled Her eyes at the mention of the archangels, who had already gotten a firm lecture about how incorrect they were about everything, as well as how they had treated Aziraphale over the past years. 

“They didn’t know what they were talking about Aziraphale. Especially your brother, who is in quite a bit of trouble, mind you.” scoffed God, who went back to soothing out Aziraphale’s wild curls. 

“Whom?” questioned Aziraphale, trying to wrack his brain for anyone else that could be his sibling. ‘ _Surely She didn’t mean who he thought She meant because there was no way he was in trouble, being God’s favorite and all. At least, that is what he always claimed to be true. He was God’s personal messenger, he was the one that had the most jurisdiction over Heaven since She was absent, he was the one that attempted to kill me with hellfire-’_

“Gabriel, My dear. You two were born from the same cloud and Uriel and Michael were born from a different part of that cloud. Though you came a bit after Gabriel and the others were brought into creation.” explained God, slowly beginning to lead them over to the front door. 

“Ah, yes. Him. I tend to, um, forget that he is my older brother.” muttered Aziraphale, turning his head to look away from God. While Aziraphale personally believed that he didn’t have it in him to hate someone, Gabriel’s existence had been testing his patience once he was assigned to guard the eastern wall of Eden. 

“Is it that you genuinely forget, or that you choose to forget, My dear child?” She asked, sending one last look over to the pansies that were preening at the attention of such a divine presence. Aziraphale coughed as an attempt to clear his throat before mumbling under his breath. 

“What was that, Aziraphale? I couldn’t hear you because you’re mumbling, dear.” She teased, though Her tone suggested that She was a bit irritated. 

“You and I both know that I tend to ignore that he and I are related,” repeated Aziraphale, whose face had taken on a lovely shade of red. Whether that red was due to anger or embarrassment was between him and God. Literally. 

With an exasperated sigh, She turned to look Aziraphale in the eye, a playful smirk appearing on Her face. 

“Now, I know that you dislike your brother, but it wouldn’t do Me any good if you both forgot that you’re related.”

“I’m sorry-?”

“Anywho, don’t be mad at Crowley for what he is about to do. The sweet child just wants to protect his loved ones, which is why when we walk into the house I’m going to have a fire poker that is lit on fire aimed at me.” 

“Wait, _what?!_ ”

“Hush, boy.”

With a final peck on Aziraphale’s forehead, She opened the door to the cottage only to have a fire poker that is light on fire shoved in Her face. 

Crowley looked like he was ready to murder someone, but the vibe was thrown off by how his body was shaking as bad as his plants did when they had a spot. He didn’t have his glasses on and his hair, which had grown out all the way down to his upper back, was starting to emit smoke. 

“Release my angel, _now_ ,” he growled out, snake eyes flying between Aziraphale and God, looking for any sign of injury on the angel. God merely gave Crowley a gentle smile as She grabbed the flaming fire poker, the flame going out at Her touch. 

“None of that now, dear child. Aziraphale, I believe you have a pie in the oven that needs checking?” She said, patting the angel on his back as a means of encouragement to go and make sure the pie hasn’t burnt. 

Aziraphale gasped before scurrying off, a quiet “ _Fuck_ ” leaving his lips as he walked into the kitchen. Looking back at Crowley, God realized just how terrified the demon was underneath the tough exterior. 

She had always been nervous when dealing with Crowley, not knowing how he took being one of Her favorites to having Her loved ripped away from him in such a violent way. God always heard his prayers, even the ones that would never grace his lips. She couldn’t help but think about the times when Crowley was known as Raphael, back when She had been furious for losing Lucifer only to lash out on the poor child. 

There were moments that She would look out into the galaxy and stare at Crowley’s creations with misty eyes at what She had been so arrogant to have given up, oftentimes wondering what would have become of the stars and planets he never got the chance to finish. Lucifer made his choice to defy Her and instead of explaining to him how things worked, She set war on him instead. Raphael had done nothing but ask for an explanation and when handed rejection had turned to his brother for comfort. Then the two began to talk to other angels about their thoughts and it all went downhill from there. 

She did become rather testy with the two archangels after they came up with the idea of Australia and its weird population of animals….

“Are you going to say anything, or remain silent as you did all those years ago?” 

Pulled out of Her thoughts, She refocused on Crowley, who had tears streaming down his face. After having experienced Aziraphale’s need for physical comfort She assumed that Crowley would be the same way, so God was shocked that when She took a few steps forward to give Crowley the hug he deserved, he had moved away from Her. 

“Ezekiel’s too sensitive to surrounding emotions. There are wards placed outside of the house to block them out, so if you want to talk to me, I’ll be in the backyard.” was all Crowley had said before quickly leaving the cottage foyer. God remained still until She heard the sound of the back door being opened and closed. The house was quiet other than the background noise of Aziraphale working in the kitchen on the pie. 

God, not knowing what else to do, made Her way over to the kitchen to watch Aziraphale move the pie onto a windowsill and begin the preparations for starting dinner. Looking up from meticulously cutting some onions, the angel flashed Her a smile before pointing at something outside the window. 

“He’s by Ezekiel’s swing-set.”

She stared at Aziraphale for a few more seconds before making Herself appear in front of Crowley, who was sitting on one of the swings. He didn’t seem that surprised by Her sudden appearance, just very tense by Her presence in general. 

She had just opened Her mouth to speak, to apologize, but the demon beat Her to it. Crowley has always been somewhat of a speedy flash bastard. 

“Do you think you could braid my hair?” he asked, staring into Her eyes with a look that was begging for Her to play along with whatever scene that was about to play out. A smile appeared on Her face, and with a thought, a hairbrush, hair tie, and scrunchie appeared in Her hands. 

“Of course, My dear child.” 

Crowley simply nodded his head before grabbing God by the hand and dragging Her off to a part of the yard that was covered by the shade of a tree. Letting go of Her hand, he let himself drop down onto the ground and looked up at Her expectantly. Taking the hint, God moved to sit behind Crowley and began the gentle process that was brushing someone’s hair. 

There was nothing but silence between the two of them, the sound of different creatures going about their day and the brush running through fiery locks filling the void that would otherwise be made of that silence. It lasted a while, half of Crowley’s hair having been brushed before God decided it was time to break the silence. 

“Do you remember how we used to do this Before?” She asked as gently as possible, parting another piece of Crowley’s hair with the brush. The demon made a non-committed hum of acknowledgment, not wanting to risk the prospect of shrugging his shoulders least it messed up the work She had done with his hair. 

Knowing the hum was a sign of approval as to where this topic was going, She carried on with the shared memory.

“You used to ask me to braid your hair once a week, though there was no concept of time back amongst the angels, I had already begun to keep track of it all thanks to you being consistent on when you wanted your hair done.” She trailed off with a giggle, taking note of the snort Crowley let out at her light teasing of his natural obsession with his hair. 

“I remember how annoyed you were with me because I always managed to get stardust in my hair,” commented Crowley with a scratch on his face at the phantom pain of having the stardust fall onto his face, burning little marks that later mixed in with his freckles from working in the sun. 

“Ah yes. I also recall you complaining about how the dust would hurt when being combed out because they were too small to be gently brushed out.” She mused, putting the brush down to start braiding the parted hair. 

“That’s because it did!” exclaimed Crowley, “It was itchy and certain types of stardust were sharper than others,” he whined. 

God could practically hear the demon’s pout through his words.

“Though you did try to distract me from the pain by having me make Luci flower crowns,” muttered Crowley under his breath, trailing off as more memories floated to the front of his mind. 

Another silence settled between them, though this one was different. Instead of an atmosphere made up of tense muscles and bated breath, it was as comforting as sitting on the beach with warm sand and watching the waves lap at the shore. There was an obvious blanket of nostalgia that was settling between them as they both thought of times that were dearly missed. 

It had taken some time, seeing as God wasn’t in a rush and Crowley enjoyed sitting in the shade and relaxing, but She had eventually finished braiding the demon’s hair and tied it up with a black velvet scrunchie. 

“Ezekiel will wake up soon, My dear child. Would you like to go inside now or later?” She asked as She rearranged Herself so She was seated next to Crowley rather than behind him. They were both sitting with their legs crossed, knees just barely touching but touching nonetheless. Crowley didn’t reply, instead choosing to stare intently at his painted nails as he worked up the courage to speak his mind. 

After all, he did have a terrible track record of getting in trouble when he spoke his mind. It tended to leave some bad anxiety when daring to do it again.

“I-” he started, but paused to clear his voice, “I, Uhm, never meant to Fall, you know that right?” he asked, hands fidgeting nervously as he lifted his head to look off into the distance at nothing in particular. “I was just a bit curious as to what was happening, why Lucifer was so upset and suddenly more irritable than usual. I only ever wanted to make sure everything was going to be ok between all of us. I never-”

Crowley cut himself off with a choked sob, fist going up to his mouth in an attempt to muffle his cries. God simply observed him for a few moments, trying to decide what the best course of action would be in this situation. She took an unnecessary breath as She prepared to apologize, but God found Herself to be cut off once more by the demon. 

“Please, let me get through this,” he said in between a few hiccups. “I- I’m sorry that things ended as bad as they did between all of us.” 

With a shuddering breath, he finally got out what he had been meaning to say all along. 

“But I’m not sssorry that I Fell. It wasss fate that I saw Aziraphale on the wall after I had tempted Eve and considering I never ssssaw him back when I was an angel then I probably would have never met the love of my life asss one. It’ssss only logical that I had to Fall for all of thissss to have happened.” Crowley stated, his voice so certain as he spoke his opinion to Her, even with his lisp that made him extremely self-conscious. She waited to see if he would continue, but he remained quiet, all but a few sniffles coming out of the demon. 

“I can’t say what I did and didn’t plan for you once it came to a certain point, My dear child. Just know that I never planned for you to Fall.” She stated matter-of-factly. With a wet chuckle, She continued as tears began to pool in Her eyes. “In fact, I didn’t even realize you were gone at first. I had become numb from losing so many of My creations all at once that I couldn’t distinguish who was missing My love. And I’m so very sorry. For everything.” 

Crowley couldn’t bite his tongue in time to stop his question from leaving his mouth. 

“How did you find out?”

God finally turned to look at Crowley, who’s serpentine eyes widened at the sight of God crying.

“After the Great War, I had waited for you to show up in the Garden and ask if I could braid your hair. You never showed up.” 

God broke down into sobs, the pain of losing so many of Her children and the memory of hearing Gabriel read out the list of names of those who had Fallen crashing down on Her. She brought Her knees up to Her chest to bury Her face in as the corporation She was occupying suddenly looked very young and vulnerable. 

“Oh,” was all Crowley could say, the demon never taking the time to wonder what the Falls must have been like for God. He tried to imagine losing Ezekiel in such a way, but the very thought of his precious child leaving his side hurt far too much for his imagination to carry on. 

Not knowing what else to do in this situation, he did what he knew made the rest of his family feel better when they were upset. It was a long time coming, though She couldn’t say that She had intended for it to happen, free will and all that rot. 

Crowley simply cleared his throat and hugged God.

“Guess what.”

“What is it, My child?”

Then the words She longed to hear from Her little star-marker were spoken into existence. 

“I forgive You, Mother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends! Long time no see and I'm really sorry for that. Let's just say life was kicking my ass these past months :b  
> Glad to be back though! Apologies for those who saw the mess that was the first ten minutes of this chapter update. This is my first time using "rich text" and it confused the heck outta me. I hopefully fixed everything...  
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> .... comments and kudos welcomed uwu

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you want me to continue this story and series! Comments and kudos mean the world to me! (they also remind me to get back to writing) Thank you so much for reading! Ciao!


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